


Sketch

by SociallyAwkwardFox



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Brother Feels, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 01:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17458085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SociallyAwkwardFox/pseuds/SociallyAwkwardFox
Summary: Damian struggles to sketch the new version of Tim he found when he came back from the dead. There's an emptiness where there used to be life. There's a hallow shell where Tim used to be.





	Sketch

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this [beautiful comic](https://nanadrawsrobins.tumblr.com/post/181980119122/sketch-i-took-me-forever-to-draw-this-comic-since) by the lovely [nanadrawsrobins](https://nanadrawsrobins.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr.

It doesn’t matter how many times he draws him. It doesn’t matter which version of him he draws. It doesn’t matter what particular moment he has in mind. They always come out wrong. There’s something fake about the version of him looking up at him from the pages of his sketchbook. The eyes are wrong. The smile is wrong. It’s all wrong. So, he scratches the face out and tries again.

Pages and pages of faceless Tim’s slowly fill up all the space he has left, then the next one because he can’t stop until he draws it right. He’s done it before. There are other sketchbooks hidden away in his drawers with plenty of drawings of him. His face was always so expressive before, but now it’s like a mask. It’s blank and hallow and lifeless. Despite trying for hours, he doesn’t know how to capture this new version of Tim.

The Tim he knew before could hide behind a mask better than the rest of them could, but this was something different. It was like this new one hid behind it because he didn’t want anyone to see the emptiness underneath. He’d become a walking talking husk that wore Tim’s face and used his voice to fool them into thinking he was the same Tim. While it worked on the others, Damian kept his eye out for those little cracks that left the new Tim exposed. Those moments reminded him of the void of death that swallowed him and clung to him during his time in the afterlife.

That could explain the dream of Tim being swallowed by darkness stuck in the back of his head since having it several weeks ago. Whatever darkness lurked in Tim was beginning to consume him from the inside and turn him into someone Damian didn’t recognize. Truthfully, it scared him to think that Tim would become nothing more than an emotionless shell of the person he used to be. The idea he wouldn’t be able to read Tim like a book, so he knew what he was thinking or that his passion for saving people might die concerned him. This new Tim frightened him.

With an aggravated huff, he tossed his pencil to the side and stared down at all the faceless Tim’s covering the pages. Tim in a suit playing the rich boy part at a gala. Tim as Red Robin waiting for a debrief after a mission. Tim looking up at the stars. Tim with a smile on his face that didn’t reach his eyes. They were all fake with dead eyes. Blank faces devoid of life.

Once more, he picked up his pencil and scratched out the faces.

* * *

 

There were few things he hated more than being stuck in the Cave while everyone else had to pick up the slack for him. Unfortunately, no amount of pleading his case convinced any of them that his ankle was well enough to go patroling. That left him altering between mindlessly staring at the monitors and doodling each of them in the new sketchbook he brought down with him. His father had that soft smile he reserved for when they did something that made him proud, Dick looked thoughtfully down with his hair in his eyes and a smile turning up his lips, Jason snarled at some unseen person and Cass exhaustedly leaned against the side of a building.

He did his best to ignore the few attempts of Tim scattered on the pages between the drawings of the rest of them. The past few weeks hadn’t led to any changes in the ghost of Tim that played his role perfectly but remained lifeless behind the mask. While he did his best not to make it obvious, he attempted to get a rise out of him like he had before the change. No amount of poking and prodding at his weak spots got a genuine reaction out of him. He said the right words and looked like he meant it, but he lacked the heat and raw emotion.

With his mood now soured, he shoved the sketchbook to the side and focused all his attention on the screens. Batman and Nightwing stood back to back as they took down a group of thugs attempting to rob a bank well above their competency. There wasn’t even a point to watching them because they wouldn’t need his assistance with anything, but it was safe to watch. He didn’t need to worry that someone else would join in and remind him of the failures forgotten to the side.

His absorption in the fight caused him to miss the sound of someone else joining him, until their voice broke through his bubble. “Wow, you draw all these, Demon Spawn? You even drew Alfie and Titus! I never knew that you drew… And, how to say it? You captured the emotion very well! But I have one question… Why does Tim have no face? It’s all scratched! This too, and this. Do you hate him that much?”

“Um…” A wave of exhaustion hit him as his mind attempted to piece all his thoughts together to form sentences that would make sense to the man looking at his sketchbook. “There’s a reason for that... It’s not that I hate him that much but drawing him is kind of difficult. Drake used to show so many emotions. Then I died and came back but he’s void of all emotions. Drake now is… emotionless, like he’s keeping it inside. It’s hard to draw him. I can’t grasp his soul. I don’t know what to draw… He’s like an empty shell. I can’t see him…”

He dragged his finger thoughtfully along the desk in swirls and spirals that mirrored the thoughts that he kept trapped in his head since his talk with Richard. He’d been quick to brush off his concerns as nothing more than him overexaggerating what he saw, but Jason was different. The rift between Dick and Tim had grown after Dick passed the mantle of Robin over to him, so it wasn’t surprising he didn’t notice the difference. On the other hand, he knew Jason and Tim worked through their questionable past to the point they were now seen together more often than not. If anyone else would know what to do, it would be Jason.

“I once dreamed that Tim was swallowed by darkness, and it terrified me… I don’t want him to go. I talked to Richard about it, but he said that I was being too cautious. But I’m 100% sure that I’m right! That’s something wrong with him. If we keep ignoring this, one day Drake will be gone. We need to do something if we want to keep Tim. Todd, you believe me right? Tim trusts you. Can you keep him safe? You don’t have to protect him, just… look out for him and don’t leave him alone.”

“Aww, you care about Tim!” Before he could stop him, Jason ruffled his hair playfully as he let out a little chuckle. “Okay, I promise you, Lil’ D!”

“I don’t care about Tim! It’s just for the sake of our mission! And stop treating me like a kid, Todd!”

“How cute!”

“Your hand is gross!”

After letting out another laugh, Jason’s face morphed into a serious expression as he dropped his hand to his side.  “How long has this been bothering you? It seems like you’ve thought about this a lot.”

“I’ve got notebooks filled with more drawings like that. I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, I’ll keep an eye on him and do what I can, but I think you should talk to him. This isn’t something that’s going to magically disappear because someone starts paying more attention to him. Talking to him might do more than just help him.”

“What more?”

“I don’t know. Talk to him and find out.”

* * *

 

There were moments now. Brief moments when the old Tim-the vibrant Tim-would shine through the cracks of his mask. They normally happened when Jason was around and they lasted mere seconds, but there was something there. A hint of life he hadn’t seen in months that reminded him of the Tim’s smiling and yelling and breathing captured in his sketches. Those moments weren’t enough. Most of the time, he found himself staring at a lifeless shell.

It hadn’t changed any of his sketches either. He thought he’d be able to capture the hints of emotions, but they still came out with blank faces. As soon as he got close to getting it right, something jumped out at him that made it all wrong. His eyes looked dead, his smile too fake, his soul missing. Each face got scratched out like the one before it. Too many blank faces. Too much emptiness.

He pressed his palms against his eyes and took several deep breaths as he tried to focus on something else. It used to be so easy to find a moment, thought or idea to distract him from that feelings curdling in his stomach. This time no amount of desperately searching for a distraction worked and the pain from his hands pressing harder and harder didn’t help either. All the evidence would still be there when he opened his eyes again. His failure mounting.

He failed Tim.

He failed everyone.

He failed himself.

* * *

 

They must have noticed how strange he was acting because they were all doing their best not to stare at him. For being so well trained, their tells were obvious when they weren’t in the middle of mission that required them to use them. Even though he desperately wanted to, his own training refused to kick in to keep the others from being able to see his emotional turmoil. If he weren’t so exhausted, he’d be furious with how unprofessional his current state made him, but he hadn’t slept properly in nearly a week and a half.

His lack of sleep meant he’d be a liability in the field, which would put himself and others in unnecessary danger. Despite knowing this, nothing he did allowed his mind to shut off long enough for him to get in a few hours of undisturbed rest. Instead, he found himself flipping through the pages of his sketchbooks every night trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. At this rate, his father would force him to sit down to discuss what was troubling him, and that was a conversation he did not want to have.

“Damian?” His head jerked up at the sound of him name to find the room empty save for him and Tim. “Can we talk?”

“About?”

“We could start with the bags under your eyes or the fact you didn’t pay attention to a single word anyone said during that meeting. Normally, you’d be the one getting onto people for that.”

“So, the others decided you’d be the best one to talk to me about it?”

“No. It just seems like you’re going through something similar to what I’ve been through before and I thought I could help.”

“What do you mean?”

Tim gave him an exhausted smile as he leaned against the table next to him with his arms crossed over his chest. “Did you talk to anyone when you came back about what happened?”

“No.”

“You’ve been dealing with all of it on your own?”

“Drawing has helped. It’s just…”

“Just what?”

“It hasn’t been working.”

“Why?”

“I can’t…” The words stuck in his throat as he looked directly into those eyes that wouldn’t let him sleep because they were wrong. “They’re wrong. Always wrong. Ever since I got back, they’ve been empty and lifeless and wrong. I can’t fix it or make it better.”

“Make what better?”

“You! You’re like a shadow walking around pretending to be Tim, but you’re not him. Tim is full of life and you’re a husk. You’re empty.”

“Dami, that’s not your fault. With everything that’s happened, it’s been too much. I’ve lost so many people and it was weighing me down. I know that. I’ve been trying to work on it and being honest about where I’m at. It’s helped to have someone to talk to about it that understands. Someone I don’t have to lie to about anything.”

“You’re still hallow.”

The smile on Tim’s face morphed into something genuine that filled his eyes with emotions Damian hadn’t seen from him since he came back. “Maybe, but I’m working through it. This life that we lead is hard. Things happen that are difficult for anyone to deal with and it’s easy to feel like we’re alone in this because we lead these secret lives, but we have each other. So, you can talk to me about anything. It’s not a weakness to need people.”

“It gets better?”

“Not overnight. It takes a lot of time and effort, but it does get better.”

“How?”

“Well, how about we start by talking about your drawings? You said they helped. I normally have tea and read something I normally wouldn’t.”

“Like what?”

“Ever heard of Gay Cowboy Vampire?”

“That’s not real.” He narrowed his eyes at Tim, but his grin only grew wider under the scrutiny. “No one would write that.”

“Still so naïve. It’s complete garbage and absolutely hilarious.”

“And that helps?”

“We can’t all be artists.”

* * *

 

“Stop it!” Tim’s laughter carried along the wind in the dying light of the setting sun as Jason twirled him around the roof to some unknown song. “You keep changing the tempo. How am I supposed to keep up?”

“Use that genius brain of yours to figure out what song we’re dancing to and it won’t be so hard.”

“I don’t know every song on the face of the planet.”

“You know this one.”

While Tim threw out guesses and Jason gave increasingly more joyful negative responses to each one, he returned his attention to his sketchbook. The drawing he’d been working on for nearly an hour and a half was nearly complete. He finally moved on to part he’d been saving for last, then set his pencil aside when he finished. Like the Tim a few feet away from him, this one had a smile so bright it was almost blinding and a swirl of so many emotions in his eyes Damian couldn’t even name them all.

“It looks good.” A lean arm wrapped around his shoulders and comforting weight leaned over his back. “Much better than the stick figures I’m known for.”

“Much better now.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos always greatly appreciated. You can find me on Tumblr ([SociallyAwkwardFoxWriter](http://sociallyawkwardfoxwriter.tumblr.com/)).


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